Today, it is impossible to imagine life without uncertainty and changes, and it is in human nature to avoid them, to be afraid of them and to unwillingly leave his comfort zone. It is known, however, that the development of personality and relations is impossible without getting out of our comfort zone. Most often we decide about it when we have no other option, when we are forced, pressured or when the known state has become unbearable. No matter how natural and normal fear is, fear form uncertainty and failure should not be ignored. Same as with all other fears, once we give it a name and face it, we can start with overcoming it. Fear from uncertainty represents obstacle in different areas of human life. We are here interested how this fear acts as a barrier on the path of love and what can we do to walk it undisturbed. One of the manifestations of this fear is expressed need of control, in order to ensure certainty, that in relations can cause conflicts, competition and misunderstanding. Inconstant desire to present us the best way possible in order to be accepted and loved, we train ourselves to hide those characteristics and weaknesses that we believe will face rejection. As time goes, we forget that evaluation of our virtues always represents subjective judgment, and this evaluator moves in his own limitations, conditioned and limited by millions of different reasons. Rarely we question validity of those processes, and we see them as natural components of personality. Only in special circumstances, most often in presence of true love, we see that other eyes can see us differently, and that our hidden flaws are considered as virtues by someone. Besides being aware of showing just parts of our personality, we understand that other people act same way. That is the real source of fear form uncertainty that prevent us to enter deep relations filled with love. Silently we all know that the relation we are in, will be uncomplete as long as we are not brave enough to have confidence to bare ourselves. But who is going to make a first step? Who is the one who will take a risk, who is not afraid of negative reaction and possibility of being disappointed? And this way we accept the half or stay aside. We can live like this for years, but what’s with the morning when we wake up and understand that there is no love?
Choice is again in our hands, same as our entire life is a result of our choices, some concisely made. Same as development of our personality without leaving comport zone is not possible, moving the boundaries is required in order to love, rejoice and live a good life. We learn entire life. Learning comes with certain effort, struggles but satisfaction from learning erases discomfort from our memory. We can learn how to overcome fears. We can learn how to love unrestrainedly.
When you recognize in you fear from unknown and unpredictable situation that requires your emotional engagement, ask yourself a question: “What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen to me”? Imagining the worst-case scenario is powerful technique for survival of fears, which doesn’t mean that you will stop being afraid right away when you imagine unwanted development of situation. But if you step into this picture form safe distance enabled by your imagination, it is possible to confirm the proverb “fear has big eyes”, and to see a hero in you capable to face the picture. This process of understanding of fear can last for some time, but sooner or later will guide you to some result. Keep in mind that your motif for overcoming fear is big and worth of effort, and it is: Live in love or live without it. No matter how big the fear of uncertainty is, aren’t you afraid of possibility of not experiencing love?
I will try to count some variations of worst-case scenarios I’ve experienced personally and faced in relations with other people:
- Not gaining desired sympathy
- Be disappointed
- Be ridiculed
- Become the gossip
- Lose “a sparrow in the hand” because of “pie in the sky”
- Remain alone with sadness
- Increase insecurity in us because of another rejection.
Those examples converted uncertainty into counting the situations that are certainly possible. Now, fear of uncertainty becomes fear of certain possibilities, and instead to fight wind, now we fight windmills.
Your Academy <3