EVERYTHING is communication and communication is EVERYTHING. Every one of us communicate verbally and nonverbally. Communication is continuous, it never stops, we cannot determine its beginning or end. All that was said, suppressed, done or not done, is communications.
What is communication?
We can communicate by talking, singing, yelling, looking, making faces, body posture, and also by thoughts without any external manifestation of communication… If I see acquaintances on the street and cross to the other side of the street before I get too close to avoid saying hello – that is also a communication.
Have you ever experienced that when communicating with people, things you say and think are interpreted completely differently?
We constantly send and receive signals, and coordinate them and create our maps of the world and understanding of others. And by being better communicator, our social network is bigger, we are liked, we experience more understanding from others, more easily launch our ideas, others follow us, simply we are SUCCESSFUL. But what makes communicator successful?
When you are doing a job that includes frequent contacts with people, it happens that you unconsciously make mistakes and do not get results you want, or simply other person don’t understand you at all. There is dilemma: how to talk with people who do not like to talk much, and how to get people to listen to you, and how to interest them for your story?…
All people execute some kind of trade, beginning with crying baby that sells its mother feeling of missing something; to mother that sells us story about kale and healthy food; father that sell story about stable work in government institution; to professional sellers of any kind. Every one of us, regardless of our profession, sell our story to our boss, colleagues, or we sell our consulting services; sell our trainings and seminars; sell our therapeutic sessions, etc. Regardless whether we are professional seller, manager, trainer or therapist, it is important to understand that the main rule is to talk to our interlocutor the way he wants to be talked to, or the best way we think he will understand. When we stick to this style, or always stand at the same position not giving a thought about style and way communication of our interlocutor, it is hard to expect that we will establish successful relationships with people that are different from us. For creating good communication, it should be taken as strategy.
It is important HOW we communicate
If we can clearly communicate what makes us happy, what bothers us, that can help us get what we want or to resolve a problem we have. It is important to learn to talk the right way with other people, in order for us to feel good during the conversation.
God communication, clear and precise interpretation of our thoughts is important not just for our success, but also for our self-esteem and good relations with others. If you do not tell what you feel, what you want, what concerns you – no one will no. Others can’t read our thoughts (or at least most of people can’t)! That is why it is important to learn what and how to tell what we feel.
How my interlocutor communicates?
Simply – we need to understand to whom we are talking to and to adjust our way of communication to our interlocutor. Way of communication and expectations of our interlocutors are defined with their needs, as well as with the purpose of our mutual communication. Everyone tends to adjust communication to his needs, and this means that the person who communicates with us in order to sell us something will avoid conflict, while the person who comes to complain on our product or service will usually be angry, unpleasant, and arrogant, etc. Position of our interlocutor in communication defines the style of communication, which means that different conversations between same persons will have different styles.
Most common communication needs are the need for recognition, security, acceptance and achievement, and they affect creation of four basic communication styles – promotional, analytical, facilitation and control. In order to know how to approach to our interlocutor, to relax him and make him talk to us without tensions, to solve every problem or conflict, it is important to adjust ourselves to interlocutor’s way of thinking and with very precise questions get to agreement and find the source of disagreement. Precise communication is extremely important skill and very elegant and effective way that leads us to desired result in communication.
How to recognize the need of our interlocutor?
Have you ever been in a situation where you talk to someone, and your words do not reach that person? Or vice versa, that you do not have ide what another person is trying to say? In other words, it seems as if you do not talk in same language. There are visible signs that indicate basic communication needs of one person related to her behavior in life. You use same phonetic system, but your brain language, or representative language are different!
So, person with a dominant need for recognition will usually lead the conversation and try to distinguish itself from others. Her verbal and nonverbal style will be adjusted to this goal. With this person communicate energetically, praise her, inspire her.
On the other side, person the has a need forsecurity, expects many information, likes data and statistics, and everything that will support her decision. You should be well prepared for these conversations, prolixity is good.
Communicational need for acceptance is present with the persons carving for harmony in their people relations. They are pleasant and sympathetic in conversations, and expect the same form the other side. Talk to them in friendly manner, warm and give them time to relax.
And at the end, those who like to satisfy communicational need ofachievement do not like excuses, and do not pay much attention to secondary factors during communication. Tell them your message precisely, concisely and clearly, focusing on tasks and results.
How to adjust to our interlocutor?
Have you ever had a situation that you can talk for hours with someone without any problems, while with others you hardly can find any topic that will bring you more than just a few exchanged words?
We believe it is. The reason is a fact that best communicators have ability to closely follow all small sign in interlocutor’s way of communication and behavior, have ability to recognize his communication style and then to adjust their communication and message to it. This way best, communicator gains trust from another person.
It is very important to identify our style of communication, in order to aware our reaction in different situations, and then to learn which communication style suits us the least, what are his needs and how to meet them. The point is to be able to communicate with ease with people with different kinds of communication style.
How to communicate well?
First rule is to learn how to LISTEN.
We often don’t listen or we listen just superficially. While person talks, we think about ourselves, what will we say, what happened to us… For example – when introducing themselves, people very often do not hear well the name of other person let alone to remember it, because they are occupied by saying their own name or by picking the “mask” while shaking hands.
Sometimes, we listen carefully and hear words, but do not manage to understand feelings communicated by other person. Real listening is much more than accurate hearing the words. Having in mind that people sometimes feel that they have to be careful in order to avoid being hurt, they say things carefully and indirectly. Or they say so many words that we don’t know what is important and what is not. Or they don’t know what they feel, so they can’t communicate it. So, real listening requires effort in order to understand message.
Few rules of good communication:
- Be careful and focused when someone is telling you something. Listen with empathy. Emotional acceptance, related to empathy, means that after we understand how another person feels, we can accept her feelings and thoughts, regardless do we agree with her or not. Tend to see things from the perspective or the other person in conversation, from her shoes.
- Be curious. It is hard to be a good interlocutor when you are not interested in what is being told to you.
- Ask questions to check your understanding of the conversation.
- Give yourself time to listen, feel what is happening, clear the picture, shape the answer. Good communication requires time and can’t be “done”.
- Monitor your own listening habits. Think about the people you really loved to talk to and felt good. How is the feeling when somebody really listens to you, and how is it when you see that no one listens to you?
- Speak, because communication starts with you. Take the responsibility and start the communication, don’t wait and expect that another person will do it.
- Don’t hide behind the messages on mobile phone or any other messaging service. Good communication, especially on important subjects, requires much more of what we can express with written message. Very often we can wrongly interpret such communication, because we don’t see the face of the person, we can’t see and feel her nonverbal communication…
- Communicate your own thoughts and feelings. Very often we forget to describe to another person how we feel, assuming that is obvious.
- Be honest, but gentle. Try to say what you want as clear as possible, but at the same time do not forget that the basis of every good communication is respect and kindness.
- Feedback information is not disguised criticism. Do not hesitate to tell if something bothers you in communication, because it can positively impact the conversation.
- Always give a chance other person to speak. Communication is bidirectional process and requires participation of both sides. Monologue is not communication.
- Highlight important things. You cannot discuss to many things at once. Keep focus on your priorities.
Believe that good communication is always possible